December: Of Bush Fallers, Broken Relationships, Fake Marriages & Other Scams

Entertainment, Satire/Comedy, Society

It is the month of December in Cameroon, the period of the year when most Cameroonians residing in foreign countries (bush fallers) do return to feast with family, friends, and, as well, catch some fun before returning to their host countries to hustle.

This is the month when love stories go sour for some unfortunate lovers. In this period, when those who traffic in love make sudden changes, reshuffling their love cabinets, by prioritising seasonal lovers to their ‘broke’ partners, often for quick monetary gains, or over fake love promises made to them by holiday-making bush fallers. This is the period where passion crimes often rear their ugly heads. This is the period when young beautiful women are shoved into fake marriages (usually traditional) by bush fallers, to enable them have the girls for about a month, for their sexual exploits, before disappearing into their ‘bush’.

This is the month that some unfortunate guys abhor, because, it is during this month that the love of their lives was either snatched from them, or dumped them for ‘appealing’ and seemingly well-to-do bush fallers riding in posh cars and feasting at every given opportunity.

However, this is also the month when passionate and hardworking guys return to meet the love of their lives, to commune in ways they have always dreamt of. It is the month of the good, the sweet, the bad, and the ugly love stories.

In this month of December, some traffickers in love will surreptitiously slip off for days in apparent visits to some ‘Aunt or Uncle’. Of course, they will end up in hotel rooms with some bush fallers, for quick gains or lofty promises. This is the time of the year, where easy girls make the most financial gains, accompanied by constant feasting.

It is not only so with male bush fallers. Their female counterparts also come back home to catch fun. Some of them who are sex-starved out there, come back home to have real banging by local gigolos or guys who are not well to do.

This is also the month when some ‘free girls’ will sit down, and elaborately strategise on ways through which they will squeeze out as much money from lascivious bush fallers as possible. Time management plans will be developed, alongside schedules for visits to different towns where the traffickers in love are located.

With the Anglophone Crisis preventing many of the bush fallers of Anglophone Regions from returning, love-hawkers will have to re-strategise to, maybe, in case they need, to outsource from neighbouring towns.

Some ‘area boys’, who wouldn’t want the spotlight to shift from them to bush fallers, are already piercing their ears, to put on earrings, alongside fake branded watches, and chains, which will make them look like bush fallers. As such, they too will attract a semblance of the attraction accorded to bush fallers by ready girls and other admirers. Such fellows sometimes take girls to hotel rooms, and escape as early as possible, and are never heard from again.

Others engage in cruel acts like carrying out convenience marriages that are never meant to last.

Once, yours truly accompanied a bush faller, who was a friend of a friend. We went and carried out traditional marriage rites of a girl he would later jilt. I remember how the girl beamed with delight and joy. Her parents wore proud faces of fulfilled African parents, proud that their daughter was married to a young, promising bush faller. About a year later, the bush faller returned again, and I was told he had married another girl and ditched the one I accompanied him to marry.

Such cases are many. While other carryout such reckless acts as payback to those girls who had ditched them at certain times, others do it for the fun of it; the most obnoxious of it is going to the extent of fake marriages.

It is disrespectful and callous to perform traditional rites, involving a woman’s family and her close friends, just for payback, or just to satisfy a lascivious appetite.

Meantime, there are free or ready girls around, who at this time of the year, roam the streets aimlessly just praying and waiting for an idle fellow to whistle for them, chat them up and can take them out, for them to booze and knock the hell out of each other in a hotel or wherever they wish. Such willing ones can be contracted. It is sacrilegious than jilt a woman willing to settle for a responsible life.

Merry Christmas!

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